As parents, you may feel your teenager listens to his/her friends more than you. Maybe you don’t remember adolescence being so difficult. And even if it was, everything seems different today. Fast-paced advances in technology, the ever-invasive nature of mass media and rising educational standards simply add to the feeling that today’s teenagers are different from those of yesteryear.

Research shows that it really isn’t. It tells us that teens depend most heavily on the values and advice of their family members – even if they appear to rely on peers and outside culture. In fact, U.S. government statistics indicate that high school seniors today think more like their parents than did students in the 1970s.

Parents usually find that as their teens grow older, they want to make more of their own decisions, and that is as it should be. But parents can continue to have a major influence on those decisions, particularly as they pertain to getting a good education. Following are 12 tips on how to exert that influence in a positive way.

• Show interest in your teen’s schooling. Ask, "How was your day?" every day. The answer to the question – whether a grunt or a full synopsis – is not nearly as important as the question itself.
   
• Discuss expectations and goals. Talk with your teenager at the beginning of each grading period about setting achievable goals. For example, if your son has an 85 average in English, challenge him to bring it up to a 90, or to get extra bonus points the teacher may give for turning every homework assignment in on time.
   
• Praise your teen’s efforts, not just accomplishments. Whether students bring home As or Cs, they deserve positive feedback. They’re working hard at something, and it’s up to parents to take notice of what that something is. A strong self-image in one activity that goes a long way to fueling success in others. Also, simply praising accomplishments—and not efforts—can bring on a sense of inadequacy even for the brightest of students. A teenager may feel he/she always has to be perfect to get a parent’s love.
• Stress the importance of attending school every day. As Woody Allen said, "90 percent of life is just showing up." For school, it’s not only showing up but also tuning in. If your teenager is genuinely ill for more than a day or two, you can arrange to pick up work.
   
• Be aware of how much time your teenager is spending on homework. By the time students reach high school, they have work every night in most subjects. If you don’t see your son or daughter putting in at least an hour of work daily, it’s time to check further. Make sure distractions such as TV-watching and web-surfing are not interfering.
   
• Teach effective time management skills. Help your teen plan a weekly schedule so he/she learns to balance schoolwork with other activities. Students often put off long-term projects and difficult commitments because they don’t know where to begin – not because they’re lazy. Help them make these tasks more manageable, but don’t take over. Your teen is the student.
   
• Stay in touch with teachers and guidance counselors. A survey by the National Education Association shows that 90 percent of teachers want parents to be involved. Besides attending open houses and coming in for conferences, parents can use the phone, and in many cases, email to ask questions or pass on comments.
   
• Encourage participation in sports, clubs, and volunteer work. Students who are involved outside the classroom typically enjoy school more and are more successful academically. Plus, these activities can help teenagers become well-rounded, leading to college and career choices.
   
• Emphasize that smart teenagers are not afraid to ask for help. If your daughter is having academic difficulty, encourage her to seek a teacher’s help. If you son is having a conflict with another student, recommend he speak to a guidance counselor. Reiterate that your teen can rely on you for help with any problem.
   
• Stress the need for sleep. Studies show teenagers need eight to 10 hours of sleep to be successful and stay healthy. Most only get five to six.
   
• Eat dinner as a family regularly. A Reader’s Digest survey shows that students who score highest on academic tests have one thing in common: Their families eat dinner together at least four times a week.
   
• Talk with teenagers about everything under the sun. They may not seem to be listening, but then they surprise you—their actions show that some of your words are actually sinking in. [top]